


the cruelty of an unrighteous god

by indiaburton



Category: The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Forbidden Love, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 18:57:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3260810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indiaburton/pseuds/indiaburton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aramis and Anne grapple with the knowledge that nothing substantial can ever come of their love. Do you give up your only happiness for the sake of preserving a pretence, or do you fight with all your strength to hold on to it and never let go?</p>
            </blockquote>





	the cruelty of an unrighteous god

She beheld in his eyes a sadness unlike any she had ever known. Reflected there she saw an unbearable suffering, and felt in his gaze the sorrow of a man struggling against a cruel and unrighteous God. She felt it as if it were her own. What a cruel irony it is that we must sacrifice our true happiness for the sake of preserving a pretence, she thought, what a Godless world we must live in. 

She felt her heart shatter as pools gathered in those sad eyes. Of all the horror in the world that she had witnessed, this sight was the hardest to bear. She reached for him, not only because she yearned to be held in the safety of his arms, but because there is no pain half as terrible as watching a loved one suffer. She held onto him fiercely for fear that if she let go he would slip away. 

“I can’t do it, Anne,” his voice was strained with the longing for a life that could never be his, for a woman and a child that could never be his to love. “I can’t…”

“I know,” she said because she couldn’t do it either. She couldn’t give him up. She couldn’t give up the dream of her own happiness. “It’s okay.”

“No, Anne,” he pulled away from her and took a step back. She shivered at the loss of contact. “I can’t do *this*.” 

“I…what do you mean *this*.” She knew what he meant.

“Anne,” his voice was no louder than a whisper, “nothing can ever come from what there is between us. Don’t you see? We can never have a life together, we can never be happy together. This,” he gestured between them, “what we’re doing, it isn’t enough, but it’s all we can ever have. I don’t think I can live with that, Anne. Can you? Can you live with never having more than this?” 

She wanted for their time together to never end. She wanted so badly for his words not to sound like a surrender. “But isn’t this better than nothing?” He was her lifeline, and she didn’t want to drown. 

She knew as he spoke that it pained him, but that did not make his words sting any less. “I would rather live my life without you than spend everyday with you dreaming of a life we can never have.”

What about what I want, she thought. When she spoke her voice came in quiet defiance. “I would rather live my life knowing these small moments are the only happiness I will ever know than give up the hope of it entirely.”

“We are living a lie. We are only playing at being happy, pretending…”

“The one thing I have never done is pretended, not with you. Don’t you dare say…” 

“Anne, my love for you is the realest thing I know, but I can’t keep living like this. I want to be able to hold you in my arms content in the knowledge that I will be able to do so the next day, and the next for the rest of my life without being afraid that it’s wrong.I want you forever, not in every other stolen moment.”

“I cannot give you up. I won’t. I love you, Aramis. I cannot reconcile my life in this prison if you are not here to remind me that there is still some happiness left in the world.”

Before he could utter a reply she reached for him, taking his face in her hands. When she pressed her lips to his she was suddenly very sure that it would be for the last time. Is a kiss more precious if you know it is the last you’ll ever share? Anne thought so, and clung to the warmth and love in it more desperately than she had clung to anything in her life. She wanted to immortalise it, and their love, so that it would last forever and sustain her in the void of empty days that would come. 

When they finally pulled apart, although her cheeks were wet with their tears a new warmth blazed in her chest that grew with the surety of one, undeniable fact. 

“I love you. Always.”  
“Forever.”

Just because someone walks out of your life doesn’t mean their presence is forgotten. When you love someone, truly love someone, from the deepest, most unknowable parts of your soul, you never really say goodbye. Love transcends the physical limits of this world and exists outside of the bounds that separate us. Well, at the very least, it’s a comfort to think so, and its what both Anne and Aramis held on to as they parted ways for the last time.


End file.
